I’ve been on what seems to be the longest emotional rollercoaster ever made; a rollercoaster that I have absolutely no control over. I’m in the back crying, screaming, pleading to get off of this horrendous ride, and NO ONE HEARS ME!
My pastor is my father. My husband has had an internal call to be a pastor.
I don’t have words to express how difficult it can be to be the “pastor’s family”; especially when you are a leader in the church. You can’t be shown “favoritism”, but at the same time, you are family and you want to be treated as such.
Because of some unfortunate events, in November, my husband thought it best for us to leave my fathers church.
November’s decision sprang up from a disagreement between me and my father. A disagreement that, when I tried to reconcile, only became worse.
We went to my father; we told him that we were wanting to part ways. He replied with, “you stay, I’ll go.” Our initial response was, REALLY? We went away from that meeting agreeing to pray about it and to bring it up to the leadership group after the holidays. We were asked not to discuss what transpired with anyone, making for a very awkward few months.
Because of the call in my husband’s life; we were now considering whether our church was the church that God was calling us to.
My husband and I decided to move closer to the church so that we could “plug in” to the community our church is trying to reach.
Conversations between my father and husband transpired while we waited for that meeting; conversations that caused confusion, doubt, anger, frustration, and division.
The meeting came the day after we moved. We came to the meeting thinking that there would be an exit strategy laid out and that Dad would announce his ‘retirement’. That was not the case. My Dad, through prayer and council, came to the conclusion that it was not time for him to leave. My husband and I were stunned. My husband was hurt and after the meeting stated that he “resigned” and walked out. This has caused a lot of frustration, anger, resentment, distrust, and division between my husband and father. Accusations of manipulation and deceit have been thrown at each other. There are people that actually believe that this is about my husband trying to “force” my dad out of ministry.
My family used to be close. We would be at my parent’s home at least once a week. Now my parents and husband can barely be in the same room. I used to be jealous of the relationship that I thought my husband and father had; so close.
I’ve been on what seems to be the longest emotional rollercoaster ever made; a rollercoaster that I have absolutely no control over. I’m in the back crying, screaming, pleading to get off of this horrendous ride, and NO ONE HEARS ME!
I met with my father and a councilor yesterday. I was able to express some of my frustration as a daughter; expressed the lack of connectivity between my father and myself. The meeting went very well. And I’m looking forward to putting what we learned into action.
My husband and I, the leadership group, and my father have a meeting tonight. I’m really unsure of what to expect. I’m afraid. I don’t want anyone to be harmed. I want them to be clear, assertive, and direct; and I want them to hear each other out with a humble heart.
It’s funny: I’ve been avoiding complete transparency in my blog because, well, quite frankly I don’t want anyone in my church to know what is transpiring. Somehow I think that I’m protecting people that way. But here it is… ugly and exposed; at least the skeleton of the beast.
